Days like today...
I don't really know what I am doing. The feeling of not belonging kicks in again. I'm sure tomorrow I will feel better. I'm considering moving to Ann Arbor or maybe towards Warren closer. I have some freinds in Ann Arbor and my boys have family there. Part of me likes living in Detroit. But I dont have a community I belong to.
I want to be substitute teaching right now but I do not have daycare at the moment I'm waiting for the paperwork to process.
Zaydin will turn 3 on Friday in 3 days. He is talking alot better and more clearly it's really adorable. Sebastian and Zaydin are fighting all the time and it is absolutely exhausting.
The most thing I am excited for is my trip to Albania. I have started looking for flights just to look around. I'm still saving money up. It's the one thing I am looking forward to right now.
Other then that I'm confused alot but that's part love and living right.
Until next time
Much love
Dashuri
Teela Love
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
2020 Heres to a new decade💖
January 1, 2020
Wow it's been 4.5 years since I last wrote in here. I have 2 children now both boys. Sebastian will be 5 next month and Zaydin will be 3 next week. They are absolutely incredibly amazing and such a beautiful gift.
Their father and I are no longer together. We split over a year ago. It got messy, but now we are on better terms. He sees them every other week right now. His help definitely is appreciated.
Now to back track to 2014...
I got my name changed 💖
I got my degree in social work and I never worked harder for anything on my life. It was very tough and very rewarding. I was a stay at home mom for 18 months which was rewarding as well. I went back to work and a few months later found a job in the field but starting as a case aide. Which worked perfect for me as I was pregnant. No one would hire me because I was pregnant. So finally one interview I didn't tell them I was pregnant and i got a job. In 2016.
In January 2017 I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy Zaydin born on his grandfather's birthday. My dad💖. After 5 weeks I went back to work and about 2 months later I became a foster care worker.💖
Working in the field of Social Work has its rewarding moments. However it is very demanding. I fought so hard to get here to only end up getting burned out and feeling like a complete failure. I was fighting my own demons from my past. I was triggered by so much that I never thought would happen. I moved many kids from foster homes to other foster homes or relatives. But in the end I got to move a set of 3 siblings home to their mother and another child to their mother.
I wrote reports after reports and petitions to terminate parental rights. That was one of the hardest parts for me. Knowing one day these children might be just as confused as I am. Not knowing their identity where they come from and so much more I could go on and on. But there's laws and policies. I seen parents not show up or even call to visit with their children, come high or drink to visits and fall asleep. I had a supervisor that I did not connect with at the beginning. But after supporting me through a termination trial we connected. To a point. I have such a deep respect for her and thank her for all the help she gave me. She will always have a special place in my heart. Some where along the way having to little children of my own, I just couldn't do it anymore. I left beyond burnt out in October 2018.
This job gave me so many answers that I had spent years researching. It showed me more love and different styles of parenting. It gave me proud moments and friendships for life. Respect and love for my friends still doing it. Love you!
In August 2018 I was introduced to a couple of Albanian songs and I fell in love with the music. I started to research the culture, country, and more music.
Now today I am learning the language and will visit the beautiful country of Albania 🇦🇱soon.
That's all for today.
Much love and respect always,
Teela Love
Wow it's been 4.5 years since I last wrote in here. I have 2 children now both boys. Sebastian will be 5 next month and Zaydin will be 3 next week. They are absolutely incredibly amazing and such a beautiful gift.
Their father and I are no longer together. We split over a year ago. It got messy, but now we are on better terms. He sees them every other week right now. His help definitely is appreciated.
Now to back track to 2014...
I got my name changed 💖
I got my degree in social work and I never worked harder for anything on my life. It was very tough and very rewarding. I was a stay at home mom for 18 months which was rewarding as well. I went back to work and a few months later found a job in the field but starting as a case aide. Which worked perfect for me as I was pregnant. No one would hire me because I was pregnant. So finally one interview I didn't tell them I was pregnant and i got a job. In 2016.
In January 2017 I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy Zaydin born on his grandfather's birthday. My dad💖. After 5 weeks I went back to work and about 2 months later I became a foster care worker.💖
Working in the field of Social Work has its rewarding moments. However it is very demanding. I fought so hard to get here to only end up getting burned out and feeling like a complete failure. I was fighting my own demons from my past. I was triggered by so much that I never thought would happen. I moved many kids from foster homes to other foster homes or relatives. But in the end I got to move a set of 3 siblings home to their mother and another child to their mother.
I wrote reports after reports and petitions to terminate parental rights. That was one of the hardest parts for me. Knowing one day these children might be just as confused as I am. Not knowing their identity where they come from and so much more I could go on and on. But there's laws and policies. I seen parents not show up or even call to visit with their children, come high or drink to visits and fall asleep. I had a supervisor that I did not connect with at the beginning. But after supporting me through a termination trial we connected. To a point. I have such a deep respect for her and thank her for all the help she gave me. She will always have a special place in my heart. Some where along the way having to little children of my own, I just couldn't do it anymore. I left beyond burnt out in October 2018.
This job gave me so many answers that I had spent years researching. It showed me more love and different styles of parenting. It gave me proud moments and friendships for life. Respect and love for my friends still doing it. Love you!
In August 2018 I was introduced to a couple of Albanian songs and I fell in love with the music. I started to research the culture, country, and more music.
Now today I am learning the language and will visit the beautiful country of Albania 🇦🇱soon.
That's all for today.
Much love and respect always,
Teela Love
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Its May already!
HEllo,
Look at that another six months have gone by! Sebastian is 3 months old now! He was born on his Daddys birthday! They tried to induce me 5x for differnt ways for three days but he still didnt want to come so we left the hospital and went home but my water broke a few days later. Needless to say we have a beautiful healthy baby boy who is such a joy in our lives.
So ÄŽrew got me two kittens for mothers day they are adorable and he named one and I named the other one. They are Tigger and Spazz and Christnew is really getting used to them but is still a little rough on them and will pick them up by thier hair every once in a while haha.
We moved again... but this time into a house and signed a two year lease! We have a fenced in back yard its so nice for christnew! But their are squrrls that tease him and he has jumped the high fence before but not over it. We have really great next door neighbors! The house is a three bedroom with the upstairs as a bungalow so thats our bedroom with Sebastian and Alisia's and Alyssa's bedroom downstairs and we also have an unfinished basement for all of our stuff to store we are also putting our large table down thier cuz it wont fit upstairs. I still have lots of cleaning and organizing todo but it is slowly coming together.
Being a stay at home mom is a little boring at times for the moment and I get really lonely but it is really nice Aunt Pam just got a job that is 10 to 15 minutes away from our house. Anyway life is going pretty good I am ganna go now so untill next time...
Love
Teela Love
Look at that another six months have gone by! Sebastian is 3 months old now! He was born on his Daddys birthday! They tried to induce me 5x for differnt ways for three days but he still didnt want to come so we left the hospital and went home but my water broke a few days later. Needless to say we have a beautiful healthy baby boy who is such a joy in our lives.
So ÄŽrew got me two kittens for mothers day they are adorable and he named one and I named the other one. They are Tigger and Spazz and Christnew is really getting used to them but is still a little rough on them and will pick them up by thier hair every once in a while haha.
We moved again... but this time into a house and signed a two year lease! We have a fenced in back yard its so nice for christnew! But their are squrrls that tease him and he has jumped the high fence before but not over it. We have really great next door neighbors! The house is a three bedroom with the upstairs as a bungalow so thats our bedroom with Sebastian and Alisia's and Alyssa's bedroom downstairs and we also have an unfinished basement for all of our stuff to store we are also putting our large table down thier cuz it wont fit upstairs. I still have lots of cleaning and organizing todo but it is slowly coming together.
Being a stay at home mom is a little boring at times for the moment and I get really lonely but it is really nice Aunt Pam just got a job that is 10 to 15 minutes away from our house. Anyway life is going pretty good I am ganna go now so untill next time...
Love
Teela Love
Friday, December 12, 2014
Wow... So much has changed
Wow its DECEMBER!
I graduated Michigan State University in May! Feels so great to be done, however I am not in the field of social work atm because guess what!???? ...
I am pregnant! I am 31 weeks tomorrow! Drew and I are having a baby boy! His name is Sebastian William Titus Johnson! We are both so thrilled! This pregnancy has been such a blessing and I have not really had any problems yet! I am taking it day by day and enjoying every moment of it. Having a baby grow inside of me is so truly remarkably amazing! <3 I love it! So We just had our baby shower on Saturday December 6th and it turned out really great it was so much fun and so many folks showed up even though a lot of people did not lol. I am currently working at Kroger because it pays pretty decent even though I live 30 mins away it all works out! I miss Drews girls we were talking about them the other day we both miss them so much! Drews job is going great for the most part he is just gone alot but usually home everynight and almost all weekends. I am slowly cutting down what my work schedule at Kroger is because it is getting harder to stand and work for 8 hrs a day my legs are really stating to hurt more and more.
I just baked a pie it was frozen lol its for tomorrows dinner and I am going to cook another pot roast it will be my 2nd one the first one turned out pretty darn good. I am starting to cook more however its tough with work so I just cut my schedule even more. Drew got me a massage table for Christmas I really like it even though I have only gotten to use it once! My siblings came down from the UP for my baby shower and Star and Rylee stayed with me and Magally came for the weekend it was really nice! Josh and Andrea and Andrew and Makayla all stayed at Tobys. On Sunday the five of us kids and the three grandkids spread moms ashes and dad at dads place it was nice. I miss her so much!
I am really going to start writing on this blog more! I also need to write Sebastian a letter before he is born there is just so much I have to say and have thought about writing it but just have not done so! Anyway Christnew is doing really good hes deff gained some weight because of the scraps we be giving him but he is such a great addition to our family and we love having him! I really would love to get a cat for him though so when we are gone all day he had a freind to play with! Well I will prob not being going in to the field for a few years because we would like to have a few kids close together in age and id like to be home alot for them when they are babies! they grow so fast so we will see at least I am still young right!
Well thats all for now!
Untill next time...
Love
Teela Love
I graduated Michigan State University in May! Feels so great to be done, however I am not in the field of social work atm because guess what!???? ...
I am pregnant! I am 31 weeks tomorrow! Drew and I are having a baby boy! His name is Sebastian William Titus Johnson! We are both so thrilled! This pregnancy has been such a blessing and I have not really had any problems yet! I am taking it day by day and enjoying every moment of it. Having a baby grow inside of me is so truly remarkably amazing! <3 I love it! So We just had our baby shower on Saturday December 6th and it turned out really great it was so much fun and so many folks showed up even though a lot of people did not lol. I am currently working at Kroger because it pays pretty decent even though I live 30 mins away it all works out! I miss Drews girls we were talking about them the other day we both miss them so much! Drews job is going great for the most part he is just gone alot but usually home everynight and almost all weekends. I am slowly cutting down what my work schedule at Kroger is because it is getting harder to stand and work for 8 hrs a day my legs are really stating to hurt more and more.
I just baked a pie it was frozen lol its for tomorrows dinner and I am going to cook another pot roast it will be my 2nd one the first one turned out pretty darn good. I am starting to cook more however its tough with work so I just cut my schedule even more. Drew got me a massage table for Christmas I really like it even though I have only gotten to use it once! My siblings came down from the UP for my baby shower and Star and Rylee stayed with me and Magally came for the weekend it was really nice! Josh and Andrea and Andrew and Makayla all stayed at Tobys. On Sunday the five of us kids and the three grandkids spread moms ashes and dad at dads place it was nice. I miss her so much!
I am really going to start writing on this blog more! I also need to write Sebastian a letter before he is born there is just so much I have to say and have thought about writing it but just have not done so! Anyway Christnew is doing really good hes deff gained some weight because of the scraps we be giving him but he is such a great addition to our family and we love having him! I really would love to get a cat for him though so when we are gone all day he had a freind to play with! Well I will prob not being going in to the field for a few years because we would like to have a few kids close together in age and id like to be home alot for them when they are babies! they grow so fast so we will see at least I am still young right!
Well thats all for now!
Untill next time...
Love
Teela Love
Saturday, February 22, 2014
confused
I'm screaming right now, I want to study but can't focus. My bf and I got in an argument again
Friday, February 14, 2014
Valentines Day!
Wow this is crazy I found this blog which I new i had but kind of forgot about through googling my name! cray cray! Anyway wow its 2014 been just over a year since i wrote my first post! In the past year lets see last semester I made the Deans list for the first time at Michigan State! Woot! I graduate in May! 3 months! I am struggling with one of my classes right now so that really stinks. Last February I lost my mom to cancer and am still dealing with coping with that. My brother Adam and sis Sara are about to have a baby boy! any day now! Drew quit SWIFT last week and we found him a home job daily! but its out in Warren which is cool cuz we moving out that way but he still is never home lol in fact he is on his way home now more like soon ill be in bed though. Christnew is doing great getting big he is a dog that Jeffrey almost hit in Detroit and i begged Drew to keep him and he said yes. I went to Las Vegas in May and got appendicitis and then went to Hawaii a few days later! I spent 2 weeks there it was so much fun! Spartan Basketball is going great Sunday is the last home izzone game! so it will be my last game ever in the izzone unless i go to reunion but its a little sad! I intern at a private agency and I love it! working with foster children and birth parents and foster family's and etc... I will miss a few Friends from this area when i move! but it will be nice to see family. I should be doing homework right now but as you can see I am writing this and I am tired I have to get up at 6 am so I think I will go as I do have to work iN the AM tomorrow then hard core study! for real!
Much Love
Teela Love
P.S. Im getting my name changed to my birth name on February 27th so excited!
Saturday, February 2, 2013
New start
I am at the library right now working on a paper the library closes in 1 hour so i must get going to finish this paper just thought i would start a blog really fast. I am starting a new beginning well I suppose im trying to anyway. I am a very confused person right now there are only 2 things that i am completly certain about and that is I want a degree in Social work so i can be one and I love my boyfreind Drew. I have so much going on right now and I am not prepared to break down right now so i WILL go now must do this paper.
Much Love
Teela Love
Much Love
Teela Love
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